The New Aggressive Couch!

The problem with chemical addiction is that everyone around you can see it before you can. And even if somebody points it out, you think it’s some sort of slur, or insult.

So, as a public service, we present the following questionairre multiple choice thing. If you answer yes to one or more of these questions, you obviously have a problem because it’s multiple choice, not yes or no.

1: Have you, in the last 48 hours  (A) drank alcohol in excess of your own body weight  (B) used pot, LSD, heroin, or wagon wheels  (C) lost an argument with Wolverine about leaving claw marks on the bathroom seat  (D) died?

2: Have you ever traded sex for  (A) drugs  (B) more sex  (C) Pokémon  (D) a Frank Stallone CD?

3: Do you find yourself using drugs to cope with  (A) stress  (B) depression  (C) alcoholism  (D) drugs?

4: Has any of the following happened to you in the last month  (A) driving while intoxicated  (B) driving while under the influence of drugs  (C) driving while smashed on some ‘good shit’  (D) driving while in the back seat?

5: If your house were on fire, and you could only save one possession, would it be  (A) your drugs  (B) my house is on fire, you insensitive fuck!  (C) your insecurities  (D) Hitler’s brain?

Uh, unfortunately, I lost the answers. I know how you must feel – ‘Dave, you’re just like the Democrats, you don’t have the answers.’ But at least I understand the questions. Unlike the Republicans. Zing!

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This entry was posted by Dave on Saturday, September 10th, 2011 at 9:45 am and is filed under Politics. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.